In recent days I have been listening to some of the single people who I know. I’m talking about people who have recently separated from a long-term relationship and have somehow lost a sense of not only themselves, but what they want in someone else.

I listen as they attempt to paint the picture of the new partner that they desire to attract.

Most commonly I hear them make comparisons to the ex they have just left behind. I’ll hear how they really want the opposite of what they have been involved in for years, and yet they stayed. Now that there is distance suddenly they are reflecting on how unhappy they were and how they are going to make changes for the next relationship.

As someone who has been single for most of the last 13 years, I have given a great deal of thought to this subject. Anyone that knows me can attest to the fact that I have no interest in being in a relationship. Not that I am opposed to having a partner, but I have been busy with some other intense life goals that would have interfered with a partnership. I must add that I feel a partnership would have interfered with these goals as well. I am absolutely positive that there is a partner out there that could have tolerated all the time and passion that went into these goals that I had, but that would be in my opinion a very unique individual.

What I have learned in my path of being single and independent is this…

Become the partner you want to attract. If you want a partner who takes good care of themselves, take good care of yourself first. If you want a partner who is respectful, show respect. If you are looking for someone generous, be giving. If you want a partner who is independent, be independent. If you want someone who is honest, be honest.

I could go on and on. My point is that you need to make this list of what you want in someone and from that list begin to transform yourself into that very partner. I don’t see any other way to achieve this perfection.