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Monthly Archives: April 2012

To be or not to be…Afraid

Ever since I was a little girl I’ve been afraid of insects. There was a time when I would play with caterpillars and lightning bugs, but somewhere along the way I became afraid. My mother who was a brave woman and didn’t take any shit off of anyone was deathly afraid of bugs. I’m blaming her for making me afraid of bugs. I was so afraid that I would go to great lengths to avoid them.
In 1985 my sister, Lola and I were cruising in my mother Grand Prix, you know the one with the T-Tops. There we were in Miami cruising in such a cool car. I was driving and Lola was in the passenger seat as we blasted disco music going down the street.
Then a giant spider crawled up the windshield. We both screamed. This was before seatbelt laws and so my first response was to jump out of my window, but Lola pulled me back in my seat, crawled over me and jumped out of my window while the car was still rolling. I was right behind her. We rolled around collecting gravel with our elbows. We watched the car as it rolled into someone’s yard stopping just before their living room window. The homeowners came running out of the house as Lola and I checked out our wounds.
“What happened?” The homeowners asked us. We told them of the giant spider and they were enraged. “You almost ran your car into my house because of a spider?” The man asked us in exasperation. “You jumped out of your car and abandoned it because of a spider? What if the car would have hit someone? What if someone got hurt? How do you just jump out of a rolling car?” The man was angry. “Now get your car out of my yard.” He demanded.
“I’m not getting back in that car.” I told the man. He ran into his house while his wife tried to reason with us. The man came back with a can of insect spray. He sprayed the car until the can was empty. “There, no spider can survive that, now get your car out of my sight.” He demanded.
“If you don’t produce a dead spider I’m not getting back into that car.” I told him calmly. “I want this car out of my yard now!” The man yelled. I grabbed Lola and said to him that he can move the car, but we were walking home. Lola and I walked home and when we told my mother that we had abandoned the car because of a spider she without delay found someone to retrieve the car. It was a “Marielito” named Juan who was a tough refugee from the Mariel boat lift. He wasn’t scared of anything.
Juan brought the car home and we bombed the car for three days straight. No one would get in that car until the dead spider was produced to prove it wouldn’t be there anymore. We would make Juan check the car every day until the dead spider finally appeared. When Juan saw the size of that spider he told us that if he knew the size of the spider was not exaggerated by us, he would never have driven that car.
My mother taught us to be afraid of bugs. She was always plagued by them. It seems I was too, until the day that I lived alone and the only thing that scared me about that was who was going to kill the bugs. I have been known to go spend the night at a friend’s house because of an insect in my house. Then one day I declared my size and advantage over these insects. I started killing them myself and it was empowering. Once I did that, the bugs disappeared. I don’t see them anymore. Not like I used to. They may be crawling all over my house, which I doubt, but I don’t see them. It seems that my fear of them attracted them.
My mother set the hardwiring to be afraid of something that I had total power over. I broke it and live in great harmony with the insects that used to rule my life.
When something plagues you need to investigate it, see it for what it really is and conquer it.

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Posted by on April 30, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Auto Zone

Where is it that we go when we go into the “Auto Zone?” You know the place where we go when we have done something on auto. For example, you leave the house and get a mile away, and then it hits you like a lightning bolt. Did I close the garage door? You turn the car around and go back to find that the door was tightly shut. So my question is this. Who was driving the car in reverse while I was closing the garage door?
People say well, maybe you did it and forgot but my argument is that if we forgot, then why can’t we remember? My theory says that we went into the “Auto Zone.”
Let me explain more. This week the hook on my blow-dryer at work broke. Now I have hung that dryer from that hook for approximately 5 months. The very first customer that I serviced after the hook broke watched me attempt to hang that blow dryer at least three times in course of his haircut. We laughed at how automatic it was for me to do so. This is the zone.
The best way to relate to this is when you pass your exit by a few miles before you realize that you have gone too far. They say it’s because we are so lost in thought that we missed our exit. Again I ask who was in charge of the car when I was lost. What part of me is able to handle the task of aligning the car in its lane and watch for other traffic? Could it be the same one that keeps me breathing, my heart beating and my kidneys cleaning when I don’t think about it?
According to Hypnotist Carl Allen Schoner our subconscious is driving. Not just when we wonder off but all of the time. Driving, like walking or riding a bike becomes a subconscious function so that our conscious is freed up for bigger tasks which is why we come up with so many good ideas when we are driving.
So the next time you go into your Auto Zone know that you are perfectly safe with your subconscious leading you when you are busy elsewhere.
It’s how we are hardwired.

 
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Posted by on April 26, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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What the Universe Said

This was my message from the universe @ TUT.com

A main “Criterion of Consciousness” for the human experience, Ramona, is never having all you want. For as one dream comes true, another swiftly takes its place. Not having all you want is one of life’s constants.

And learning to be happy while not yet having all you want is the first “Criterion of Joy.” Nail it, and for the rest of your life people will be asking what it is about you.

Desire, Ramona, is a beautiful thing.

The Universe

Yeah, Ramona, as if they weren’t already asking.

Actually, dreaming has always been my gateway to fulfilling any desire.

 
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Posted by on April 25, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Eye,Eye,Eye

I was listening to some office drama. You know the usual scene where someone helps you with something and then when you have the chance to help them and you tell them hell no. My sister asked me why people do that, and while it was quite easy to answer, I had to really peel back my judgment sensor and dig deep. Why would anyone do that? My only answer was because they forgot. They forgot who they were and who the people around them were.
We are so busy with our everyday lives that we tend to forget how much we love each other. We forget to honor one another. We have our i-pads, i-pods, IUD’s, ikea, and our imdb’s. We don’t need anything. We report to the IRS. We fight the IRA. We watch “I am legend”, “i- Robot” and” We are Marshal.” How are we expected to know who we are if we keep using “I” in front of words that we are not?
If I learned anything at all from the “course in miracles,” it was to be careful of what you direct “I am” to. We behave in certain ways and say “I am” that way. I am rich, or I am poor, or I am sick. Get a grip on this casual usage because it will cause you to forget.
My point is that we need to take the “I” out of the places that it doesn’t belong. Then we need to be careful to make sure we do place “I” with words that compliment us and those around us. We can never forget who we are. Most important we can never forget to honor everyone, including ourselves.
So if you find yourself suffering from this eye disease, the cure is easy. Just remember who you really are. Don’t ever forget to honor others as they are you, living a different experience.

 
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Posted by on April 21, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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The Westonites

The city of Weston sits just west of Ft.Lauderdale and has been recently named the most boring city in the U.S. I don’t know who named it such, or if it is such a recent prize that I was not able to find that fact anywhere on the internet. With a population just over 60,000, it sits on 27 square miles of housing, golf courses, bike paths and hiking trails.
The first time I ever visited Weston I had not noticed much about it. It was an oversized subdivision with little to the imagination. The typical cookie cutter homes that sat on perfectly manicured lawns didn’t really stimulate any of my senses. More recently I had the opportunity to get a closer look. My daughter has since moved to Weston and it gave me the opportunity to get a personal taste of a neighborhood which is so well-known as “the place” to live.
Upon my first driving in, as I said before, it was very boring, well landscaped and difficult to tell where you were at any given time. It all looked the same to me. One street was the same as any other. It is miles away from any shopping and my daughter has to drive eight minutes just to get out of her subdivision and to a strip plaza to buy anything of convenience. Actually, I don’t think the word convenience is used at all around there. I spent some time going out to eat, shopping and with their new law on the books we couldn’t go to a club or a skating ring. Yes clubs and skating rings are considered places that promote crime, according to the city who has decided that they don’t want that kind in their hood.
The suffix “ize” means to render or make. For example Louis Pasteur, known for inventing a method for stopping wine and milk from causing sickness, which came to be called pasteurized. Homogenized is another term for what we do to milk in order for it to become an emulsion. John the Baptist cleansed people of their sins in water, which came to be known as baptized. To make crystal would be to crystallize. To make familiar is familiarize. To make sterile is to sterilize. To incite terror would be to terrorize.
Why the language lesson? Well as I walked around Weston I felt like there had been a “Westonized” process or method that made them all the same. I realized that everyone had glowing white teeth, perfect bodies, straight hair, very expensive cars and of course, designer clothes. Now don’t get me wrong, walking around a city where everyone is perfectly beautiful couldn’t be all bad. It’s just that it made me feel like a toothless hillbilly from a mountainous region. Here I was with my flat chest, curly hair and a slight pouch for abs. I was probably wearing a pair of shorts bought at Walmart and my flip flops from Payless. I had no jewelry on and my Chevy Cobalt was not getting any attention. Is it possible that this community attracts only the beautiful? I asked myself how all the perfect people could live in the same 27 mile radius. Then it dawned on me. Once I discovered the many offices that perform plastic surgery in Weston. God didn’t make them perfect so they went to the plastic surgeon.
At first I wished that I had the money to get the surgery that made them so beautiful, but then I suddenly felt okay with the way that I am. I’m not looking for a mate and I’m especially not looking for a mate that needs my boobs to be a different size.
I have watched as my daughter has evolved and now fits in with this crowd. I have come to call this “Westonized.” Everyone in Weston must look the same. The houses do, the streets do and the people do. It’s the “Stepford” of our time. I am of course very proud of my daughter for setting her standard so high, but for me, I like my “anyville.” I’ll stay here, where everyone fits in, even the misfits.

 
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Posted by on April 19, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Three days

Three days
What if your doctor told you today that in three days you will expire? Strong as that statement can sound, would you want to know that you had three days? Would it take you three days to process the statement or could you quickly adapt to the fact that you had three days to accomplish everything that you ever thought was important?
You have three days. You can do anything you like; you have no symptoms such as weakness or pain. What you have is fatal, so it can’t be treated; therefore there would be no side effects, no doctors to see and no hospital rooms to be visited. Three days of feeling good, but it is your last three days. What would you do? Who would you see? What would you say to people?
I thought about these questions myself. I am approaching fifty and I have witnessed people my age and younger pass away before their lives were half lived. It made me wonder the obvious questions like why the good die young and evil prevails. I asked myself what I would do, who I would see, what I would say and where I would go.
I know for a fact that I would go sailing for at least a couple of hours. It didn’t take me long to realize that I would be exactly where I am, saying what I am saying now, see the people who I visit with today and doing exactly what I do right now.
I examined my answer because it seems like such a cop-out that I wouldn’t change anything. It’s not. I can honestly say that I am enjoying the processes of my life. I don’t waste a moment wishing I knew an hour ago what I know now. I am here and my endeavor is so clear, because that is what showing up.

 
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Posted by on April 15, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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Dementia vs Alzheimer’s

I wanted to expand yesterday’s blog on Alzheimer’s. I feel like I touched on the subject and after a comment made by Joe Rivera, I realized that there was more. His father Oscar has Dementia and if you ask the average person what the difference is between Dementia and Alzheimer’s, they won’t have a clue. We hear these terms thrown around and I would like to elaborate on them.
According to Dr. Bob DeMarco in his blog http://www.alzheimersreadingroom.com/ dementia is a symptom of Alzheimer’s like a fever is a symptom of something wrong with your body, dementia is a symptom of something wrong with your brain.
Dr. DeMarco is careful to say that not all dementia turns into Alzheimer’s, but most of it does. There are different kinds of dementia and as Joe Rivera describes his father, it can be just as heartbreaking to loved ones as Alzheimer’s disease. Both allow you to witness the progressive decline of your loved ones mentality. It is as if you don’t know this person and they don’t know you. I know Joe, and have met his father. I know that Joe and his brother have done everything in their power to assist their father as his health declines.
My ideas about the disease have evolved enormously. At first I thought that I could trigger memory by making her do things that she used to do before slowly slipping away from us. I was trying everything to jog her memory. I have come to realize that this is very much like handling a baby, only the opposite. A baby improves motor and cognitive skills, my mother won’t. The baby will eventually walk, talk, and eat on his own. My mother will decline in her abilities. The baby is prepared to live; my mother is preparing to die.
I acknowledge that it is a bold statement regarding the process difference of coming into life and leaving life. I feel fortunate that I get to participate in this event, because I would hate to miss it only to regret it later because I didn’t know how much time we had. I don’t know how much time we have now, but I do know that it will happen with great certainty. We can all make this claim and that is why I say to care for your loved ones right now. None of us know when this thing called life will end, but we know that it will. Live life to the fullest each day that you are given.
Dealing with either disease is challenging. It challenges everything that you know for sure. At times I think we could have it all wrong. It’s hard to tell sometimes if my mother is forgetting who she was, or remembering who she is. I’m not sure anymore.

 
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Posted by on April 11, 2012 in Uncategorized

 

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