Who am I? Why am I here? What is my purpose?
When I was younger these thoughts seemed to plague my every silent moment.
These days I find myself not asking these questions as much anymore. It’s not as though I feel that the questions have been fulfilled with answers of any kind.
So I asked myself why. Why don’t I ever ask this anymore? Sometimes I feel as though I may have some of the answers, but then I take it back because in all logic I know that I have made choices that have determined at least my purpose.
Some say that it is all accidental or random. Some schools of thought pose the theory that it’s all part of an elaborate plan, God’s plan, I assume.
It seems like my friends and I used to talk about these very questions more so than we do now, especially when we were passing around the peace pipe.
Anymore we just don’t have these conversations and I question why. Is it our age? Now that we are all fifty something are we satisfied with what life has answered for us?
I ask myself this and at the same time wonder what happened to the wonder.
Could it be that I have established the answers with the things that I have acquired, or the goals that I have accomplished, or even the deeds that I have stuffed under my belt to show at the pearly gates as my cover charge?
I made it a point to sit and ponder these very questions that have disappeared from my inner dialogue and realized that I was far more spiritual in my youth than now. I have made definite decisions about the questions at hand without re-questioning myself.
I had to be honest about this and at the same time dig deep enough to dredge up what has long been buried in the life that I took on as a result of the momentum that was created each time I picked up that football and ran for the goal post. Each time I scored, I feel like I closed a door on the question and moved on to the next. Even when I didn’t score I found myself trying again without sitting still and asking myself what the goal even was.
I suddenly felt the desire to be so curious. To find out what I wanted to be or fulfill. To shake the very ground on which I stood in order to create the instability that once shook me into a plan of action.
Things seem to just happen anymore and I wanted to go back to my creative process that existed before the world began to dictate what it “should be.”
I needed a new program. So I created one. One that when I wake, I ask these three questions to myself and spend my day figuring it out. I have to do this because paying the mortgage, buying groceries and taking care of business was too easy and lame. I need more. I need that definition in my life so that I don’t forget who I am. So I don’t forget the wonder and most importantly don’t forget to create.
Won’t you join me?
Together we can create the change.
ramonapedron 