What if I died, and don’t know it?

18 Jul

Is it possible that we can die and not know it? The movie “The sixth sense” offered great insight on the subject of what happens to us after death. “Ghost” was another movie that suggests that if we have unresolved issues here on earth, that it can keep our souls glued to earth. In “What dreams may come” there was a similar scenario of death and what we think of it.

In 2007 I had a head on collision with a semi truck which was fully loaded. That was 33,000 lbs of force that went through my Ford Focus. It was not my first near death experience, but it was the first in a very long time.

Miraculously I not only survived the impact, but I walked away with little injury, except to my psyche. I was out of work for about six months, my girlfriend at the time left me because I couldn’t support the household by myself anymore, and I had to move in with my parents for a couple of months while I healed through physical therapy. My daughter was studying in Spain and so contact with her was minimal at best.

This was the first time in my life that I actually questioned the fact of whether I was alive or dead.

What proof do we have that we are actually alive?

I convinced myself for a period of time that I had died in that accident. I used my reality to prove over and over that I was dead, but stuck here on earth.

The first piece of evidence was that I could not talk to my daughter. I was convinced that the inability to communicate with her was that I had crossed to the other side where communication could not exist with the living any longer.

Then when my girlfriend left me, and we quit talking to one another, again I felt that losing touch was due to my death. Why else would she have gone so far away?

Living with my parents was a great piece of evidence because I would never had done that in my living years. I thought that I was hanging on to my parents because I wanted to protect them. I also felt a lack of resolve in our relationship, and so I went with the theory that I was trying to reach them from the other side.

My lack of visibility or the fact that I felt invisible was the biggest nugget of evidence that I had passed. By invisible I mean that I would call people and they wouldn’t return my calls. I walked around as though I was invisible. I convinced myself that I was dead, and that I was just walking around the earth, hanging on to my parents because I was a lost soul.

The day came when I realized that I was alive. I wasn’t totally convinced until my daughter returned from Spain, and I got to physically touch her. I went back to work and that made me feel more alive. It was when I returned to Orlando and put my life back together as I knew it, that convinced me that I was very much alive. Since then I find myself constantly proving to myself that I am indeed alive.

There are days when I can’t get a response from anyone, and that takes me back to this sick and morbid theory that perhaps I am not alive. This is probably not the best mental exercise to play with your psyche, but it does force me to prove my validity of life.

What about you? What evidence do you have that you are alive?

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Posted by on July 18, 2012 in Uncategorized


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