We all like to think that we are waiting for that big payday. We are constantly driving for that jackpot. That one big thing that is going to be the pay off for all that we do for the world. We deserve it, don’t we? What is it that we are truly looking for?
This is the very concept under which Ponzi schemers lay the foundation for the big gig rip off. These scammers will offer better returns than any other broker can give. As I watch the news daily, I hear of more people who lost their life savings to the “big pay off” scam. Only once did I hear one of the victims say that they shared responsibility in the disappearance of their nest egg. This guy actually admitted that he wanted more than his helping, more than his neighbor’s helping, more than anyone could achieve.
I guess I can relate in a different way. I’m not a money person, what I mean by that is that money is not a score card that I am using to measure the success of my existence. My score card measures the impact of my existence. How many lives did I touch? How many changes have I made in myself that altered my reality to 7th heaven? Can I be trusted? Will I be there? Am I here?
As the primary caretaker for my mother who has Alzheimer’s I have learned that the best pay off in life are the little helpings. You can’t surf a wave all day, it lasts just seconds. Nevertheless, it’s a wonderful helping. The first glance of the love of your life, it’s one moment and yet still an awesome helping. The last dance at the greatest party you ever attended is a couple of minutes long and still a nice helping. An orgasm last just seconds, a wonderful helping.
Give us this day our daily bread. Not weekly, not monthly and not more than anyone. I know when I’m being rewarded here on earth. The helpings come whether I see them or not. Helpings are equally distributed among man and animal.
The little helpings are just a sampling for what we will be capable of handling later. It’s also a true measure of my presence.
Monthly Archives: May 2012
Life’s Little Helpings
Leaving Langoliers
I have spent the last five months working in a barbershop in Longwood Florida. The name of the barbershop is Waggoner’s and people tend to pronounce it Wagoneer’s. Somehow they see the double g, but tend toward pronouncing the double e. So I started to call it Langoliers. It was hard answering the phone without saying Langoliers.
Well now I am leaving Langoliers and I wanted to say goodbye to the team that I have come to know as sisters in this journey we call life.
To Donna Ciabatonni, I want to say what a pleasure it has been to work by your side. Your energy toward healthy living has definitely had an impact on me and has made me more conscious about what I put in my body. I think about my body in a more positive way as a result of spending time with you. I knew the day I met you that I wanted to be more like you and now I am. Thank you.
To Shannnon Eidem, I know that I have only worked one shift with you in the five months that I have worked here, but I enjoyed working with you that day. You were easy to talk to and I wished that I could have spent more time getting to know you. I feel like I got to know you through Donna and Kelly and from them I heard of you as being a warm friend. I sensed as much when we spent that one day together.
To Kelly Wilson, what can I say? Kelly, Kelly, Kelly, what can I say? Even though we worked together one day a week I feel like I got to know you the best. Your honesty and sincerity is refreshing. Your comfortable way of sitting tells others to just relax. I can remember the day I interviewed and you sat with me in the waiting area in that relaxed state. It made me so comfortable about the transition I was about to make. I’m always in need of an energy adjustment and you really had a way of taming my crazy world. I felt like I could tell you anything and you would never judge me. Thanks for being that.
To Veronica Diaz I say that while you came in on the tail end of my employment here at Langoliers I feel like I got to see you as a great addition. Although you don’t work in the shop you have been an intricate part of our lives in the barbershop. It was great having a Cuban counterpart to talk to on a daily basis. You came in and energized everyone in here. Like a breath of fresh air you got everyone excited about our environment. Thanks for being yourself and encouraging us all to look deep inside to see what we had to offer the world.
To Nick Waggoner, to be bluntly honest after interviewing with you I wasn’t sure I wanted the job. I accepted it only because of meeting Donna and Kelly and the fact that you wouldn’t be working in the barbershop. No offense, but you just didn’t give me the warm fuzzies. I understand that better now that I recognize what your job demands of you, and that you must be a bit hard and detached to survive on a daily basis. As I let you know that I was leaving I saw a different side to you. Thank you for your encouragement in the venture I am about to embark on. It means a lot to me that you actually shared your experience with me that day.
To all you ladies I would like to say that I envy all your lives. I see your long relationships in which you live, love and fight. Your commitment to family was so invigorating. To watch you fulfill what you knew was best for your kids, your partners and yourselves has been a lesson in love and longevity. Your commitment most of all is unbreakable and I have learned from you women to stand strong in what I know to be right.
I will miss you all and I hope that we can all meet again someday on this journey we are on.
You can put the radio back on WMMO, but just remember me when you hear jazz.
Mucho, Mucho, Mucho amor! MMMWA to you all!
Why I Write
In the sixties the motto for children was “children should be seen and not heard.” Reinforced by this motto, my mother never gave her children a voice. I can remember the first time I ever tried to give her my opinion. We were shopping for shoes and my mother asked me if I liked the shoes that she was showing to me. I was brave and said no. She went into a rage and tore down the shoe display embarrassing me to no end. I learned then that my opinion did not need to be heard.
I began writing as an outlet for my thoughts. Sometimes I stayed up all night writing the same letter. I would write and rewrite until it was perfect. I wrote letters to the president, to friends, to Donny Osmond and most anyone I had an opinion about. Most of these letters never made it to the mail box.
Somehow I attained a typewriter that wrote cursive. That was it. I was writing all the time. I would document the events going on around me; sometimes I would embellish them just for fun. I was addicted to writing. I didn’t want to communicate any other way. As a matter of fact, I was terrible at the verbal communication. I had no experience in verbalizing where as when I was writing I had wings to soar with the freedom to express what I thought. People who I have written to have always told me that they enjoyed the journey I provided with just a simple letter.
I remember a girlfriend that I had early on who I caught having a letter relationship with her ex. This would probably be the equivalent to today’s online chatting or facebook. I intercepted one of the letters from her ex and decided to have a chat with this “Kathy.”
So I began the letter by introducing myself to her. I told her that my favorite sport was football. I didn’t like watching the game so much, but I loved to play. I went on to tell her that my favorite position was defense and I continued on about how I loved to keep the offense from scoring. Then I said that my favorite defensive move was to intercept. I explained in detail how I would keep my eye on the quarterback and I could tell what their intended target would be even before the ball left their hand. I was very good at this particular aspect of the game. Some would say that I had even perfected it. I explained my record of intercepting at least twice a game. Then I gave her the punch. I let her know that I had intercepted her letter. That I had defended her offense and if she continued to write to my girlfriend I was going to burn her house down. I stayed up all night to perfect this letter.
This is one of those letters that never made it to the mailbox. I confessed to my girlfriend what I had done. I gave her the letter that her ex had written and then I let her read the one I was going to send. She was amazed at how I expressed myself in writing compared to how I spoke. She let me know that I was more intelligent in writing. I wasn’t sure if this was a compliment or not, but I did come to realize that she was right. I expressed myself more freely when I wrote. I came to realize that I never felt safe communicating verbally so I relied on what I call the pen of revenge. I began telling people to be nice to me because I was documenting everything. No one listened.
When they read the book I’m sure they will wish that they had.
ramonapedron 